Let’s face it: There’s not much most of us need, and perhaps even less that we actually want. Our homes are cluttered with dishes, clothes, trinkets, and toys. Most of what we truly want isn’t even tangible– memories with family, freedom from some stressor in our life, or time to nurture close relationships. (Currently, my “Santa list” would include an elf– or really, anyone who is less-than-extremely-pregnant– willing to fish the toddler toys out from under the couch!).

But if we ourselves feel unsure of the “things” we might want to receive– we feel even less sure of the gifts we should give our loved ones. The past few years, for many of us, have brought a new perspective to the relationships we want to nurture. Yet, we often spend the month of December frantically rushing around, desperately trying to purchase “things” for everyone in our lives, that we don’t have the time to enjoy the holidays with our loved ones. It’s time to extend that sense of nurturing to the holiday season by re-writing our expectations for gift-giving— making our holidays more joyful, our lives a little more simple, and preserving the planet in the process. So here’s a few ideas for more meaningful gift-giving this year:

Give fewer gifts 

Commercialism, financial worries, and the stress of shopping rank as the three things that most people dislike about the holidays. Ironically, though, we start shopping the day after Thanksgiving (or, really, well before Thanksgiving, if recent Black Friday “month” trends are any indication) and don’t stop until we dread opening our credit card statements.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to disrupt the magic of the holiday season by finding trinkets for your parents, partners, or siblings, let alone the random co-worker in accounting or your great-aunt Bessie. You don’t have to go into debt or wade through crowded shopping malls (or email inboxes crowded with “holiday specials”). And in fact, you just might enjoy December more if you don’t.

So, just in case you felt like you needed permission… here’s your permission to limit, or eliminate, your gift-giving obligations. Tell your adult siblings you don’t want to do a gift exchange– or opt for something that reduces your gift-giving, like a white elephant exchange or gifting to just one person. Decide with your partner that you want to enjoy a shared experience instead of a physical gift. And don’t worry about Bob in accounting– he won’t miss your clearance-rack holiday mug in the least. (And lest you think you are doing your loved ones a disservice– it turns out that the gift-giving process can also be ridden with anxiety for recipients, who may feel uncomfortable opening presents in public or feel the tension of giving a gift of equal emotional or financial value).

Preserve holiday magic (especially for little ones) with quality over quantity

One of my favorite holiday memories as a child was getting to open one present from my grandparents’ on Christmas Eve morning. We would eagerly shake boxes and watch for the glint in my nana’s eye to tell us when we had picked a “good one”– one for us to open and enjoy with our extended family while we waited for the Christmas meal. The memory wasn’t ever in the gift itself– in fact, I can only remember one gift I received as a child– but in the experience of savoring the one “special” gift for the day. That’s the magic I want my children to remember about the holidays– and so, I’m embracing “fewer but better” gifts for the littles in my life.

Too many presents can shift the dynamic from a special day with those we love to a day focused on “getting.” This sets up our kiddos for disappointment– not to mention meltdowns from the sheer amount of wrapping paper to tear through! But focusing on just a few items that your kiddo will enjoy (rather than discard in a week) lets you enjoy the gift-giving magic without the overwhelm. Many families swear by the “one thing they want, one thing they need, one thing to wear, one thing to read” rule. Others choose to gift one or two items to be enjoyed by the child, and another “family gift” (such as an experience) to be enjoyed by everyone.

Wild One is still at the age where her presents are as much for my own amusement as hers, so we are definitely setting the “fewer presents” expectation early. The toys we have splurged on are guaranteed to have lasting play value: A second-hand “sustainable sink” from a Lovevery play kit (before Wild One floods us out with her love of splashing in running water at the sink!) and a climbing triangle. If it’s any ‘minimalist redemption’ though, her stocking will be stuffed with edible goodies, and the other things under the tree are far more practical (namely, next-size-up shoes).

Gift Experiences or Consumables

Hands down, experience gifts are my favorite. Whether it’s a museum membership or tickets to a favorite sporting event, experience gifts are a thoughtful way to show your affection without contributing to landfill. Here are just a few ideas:

• Cooking or gardening classes (often offered through local museums or botanical gardens)
• Horseback riding excursions, go-cart passes, or other adrenaline-filled adventures
• Carriage rides or ice-skating passes to enjoy the winter wonderland
• Spa days– this is something people frequently want but rarely treat themselves to!
• Museum guest passes or memberships
• Subscriptions to music or video services– such as Apple Music, Spotify, or Netflix
• Masterclass subscriptions for the “life-long learners” in your crowd (they often run “two-for-one” specials, so I’ve snagged myself one while gifting before as well).

But if you’re looking to give a physical item as well, gifting consumable items can be a wonderful way to hand over a tangible token of affection without contributing to landfill. Plus, it can be easier to gift-give when you don’t have to worry about unwanted items hiding in a recipient’s closet for decades to come. So instead of yet another coffee mug, try gifting specialty coffee or tea. If you’re still searching for presents, you can check out my round-up of small business consumables for the holiday season.

Give from a list 

I know, I know. Even if you’ll never say it out loud, you imagine that your loved ones will find you clever or thoughtful when they unwrap the “just right” holiday gift they never asked for.  But we perpetually believe that we are more thoughtful gift-givers than we actually are: In fact, Americans spend as much as $16 billion (yes, that has nine zeros– as in $16,000,000,000) on unwanted holiday gifts annually. 

We perpetually believe that we are more thoughtful gift-givers than we actually are: In fact, Americans spend as much as $16 billion annually on unwanted holiday gifts.

Sustain initiative

Economists, understandably, see this problem through a financial lens: Every dollar wasted on an unwanted gift represents “deadweight loss,” or money that could have been better spent elsewhere in the economy (by, for example, choosing something your recipient actually wanted). 

But there are also environmental perils to giving unwanted gifts. The unwanted “Best Uncle Ever” mug may at least make it to a charity pile somewhere, but the singing goat and urinal shot glasses (why are either of these even a thing?) are likely straight on their merry way to landfill. 

Even when unwanted items are returned to stores, there is an environmental impact. Companies don’t always have the resources to handle large volumes of returns, and many find it more cost effective to discard items than clean and repackage them. As a result, as many as five billion pounds of unwanted returns end up in landfills every year. 

So instead of assuming you know your recipient’s deepest material desires, try… *drumroll please*… just asking them what they want.

…And maybe, just maybe, check yourself before you gift-wrap yourself.

The glitter, bows, and colorful, snowflake-dotted paper. Wrapping paper may look beautiful, but it’s actually an environmental hazard. We cut down trees for paper that we line with plastic film and cover with micro-plastic, ocean-damaging glitter– all for 30 seconds of joy as a recipient tears open your package before sending your wrapping paper to a landfill. 

So this year, leave the gift wrap on the store shelf and opt for a more sustainable wrapping solution: 

• Reuse gift bags, pretty boxes, and bows you have received 
• Decorate brown paper from mailed packages 
• Use reusable gift bags for your immediate family (we purchased these Santa sacks last year and love them). 
• If you really enjoy your colorful wrapping paper, Hallmark now makes recyclable holiday wrapping paper, as does Wrappily.  

You– and your loved ones– deserve a joyful, simple holiday season. Making your holiday gift-giving more meaningful will help you get there.