As I celebrate my first Mother’s Day, I have a few thoughts about what mamas might actually need. So go ahead and buy your mom flowers— she’s a rock star who absolutely deserves it. But also: 

• Advocate for policies that support paid parental leave. 1 in 4 women return to work within 2 weeks of giving birth due to inadequate maternity leave policies. Paternity leave for new fathers is important, too. Fathers taking just a few weeks off for their growing family reduces the gender wage gap, decreases the probability of divorce, and creates more equitable division of household chores and child-care for over the long-term. 

• Buy from women-owned businesses and those that actively support family-friendly policies like flexible working hours. And while you’re at it, push for systems that make it more feasible for moms to work OR stay home with their babies. (And no, day care that costs as much as a teacher’s salary doesn’t cut it). 

• Urge lawmakers to act on the healthcare disparities that cause widespread maternal death, particularly for women of color (who are roughly three times more likely to die from childbirth— regardless of socioeconomic status— than their white counterparts). 

• Understand that health care means mental health, too. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for new moms, and up to 1 in 5 women experience postpartum depression or anxiety. If you think you don’t know anyone who’s experienced this, I guarantee you just haven’t asked the right questions. 

• Advocate for toxic chemical reform so everything from car seats to crib mattresses won’t contain cancer-causing chemicals. And while you’re at it, reflect on the pull of consumerism that makes $1.99 trinkets justify plastic pollution and greenhouse gas emissions that threaten our children’s planet. 

• Normalize breast-feeding, baby-wearing during congressional speeches, and toddler tantrums so new moms aren’t trapped at home with their littles. And also, I know you mean well, but stop asking random women where their baby’s socks are (YOU try keeping them on her feet!). 

The Mother’s Day Industry is worth around $28 billion (to put this in perspective, we could end American food insecurity for around $25 billion). For weeks, we’ve been told that moms need new vacuum cleaners, mattresses, jewelry, and even KFC chicken. But what we really need is for the people who tell us they value mothers to act like it the other 364 days a year. 

So today, I’m celebrating motherhood and my beautiful little family. I’m also mourning the mothers who have passed (including my own). I’m sitting in grief for the mamas who have lost children, and the women who want to have children but can’t. And I’m asking for a society that supports moms with something more substantial than a $10.99 bouquet.  Happy Mother’s Day!