If I am shopping for the basic necessities to keep my household functioning, whether that’s food or toothpaste or a special event outfit for my toddler, I’m engaging in labor.(A labor that, to be clear, falls disproportionately on women, particularly mothers, as one facet of the often invisible workload involved in running a home… just ask my husband when he last bought toilet paper or how he manages to never run out of hole-free socks 🙃).

And if I’m shopping because I’m bored, it’s escapism. 

Scrolling through my phone looking at toys my kiddos don’t need? Escaping.

Following the clickbait of a fast fashion retailer? Escaping.

Popping into the local Target just to see what’s new? Also escaping.

Maybe the escapism is your imagination of your ideal self: The one who wears cute crop tops (in your “30s”, no less!) and who has an excuse for those strappy heels. The one who hits up the gym every morning— of course you need another set of workout gear! The one who would host elaborate dinner parties…if only you had matching dinnerware.

Or maybe your escapism is you trying to avoid the moment you are in: Clicking “add to cart” when you feel frustrated or bored at work. Scrolling your phone so you don’t have to engage with your partner after a long day. Hitting up the mall to get an hour away from the chaos of a threenager in the house.

Popular culture treats this escapism as though it is self-care, as though buying bath bombs and candles is all it takes to achieve inner zen. As though the latest Shein haul or tableware purchase is all it takes to transform yourself and your life. Advertisers literal profession is to convince us that their products will meet our everything from our practical needs to the deepest desires of our heart. But we are doing a disservice if we pretend like this escaping is actually serving us.

No clothing or candle purchase will substitute for a lack of joy in your life. No spa treatment will solve your challenges with work/life balance, disconnect with loved ones, or a lack of support during difficult life seasons. I’m not telling you not to get the facial— only that doing so is skin care, not soul care.

Soul care is putting down your phone to laugh with your partner or make art with your children. It’s meeting up with friends for a walk or a yummy coffee. It’s reading a good book, getting some fresh air, or going to bed early. Not engaging in capitalism. 

You are worthy of a joy and contentment that won’t be found at the mall and can’t be added to your Amazon cart. So instead of pretending like a shopping trip is the key to surviving the daily grind or “leveling up” in your life, try making the space this week for actual soul care. Even 5 minutes of meditation, watching a sunset, or snuggling with your littles will give you more than your credit card ever could.